It’s finally here! The dreaded talk about money with your significant other. Some couples feel it isn’t worth talking about so they just live their lives as normal until one day they’re hit with the “D” word, divorce.

Money is one of the leading causes of divorce.

Whether you’re just dating, ready to settle down, or have been happily married for awhile, you know that finances play a huge part in the relationship. If you’re worried about it, you are not alone.

Treat this as a guide to assist you when sitting down for the big meeting about your money.

How to Prepare for Your Big Meeting About Money

It doesn’t matter if you’ve talked about money a thousand times or finally building up the courage for the first time, your attitude is key. Imagine going into a conversation with a negative tonality, how do you think that would go?

Now pair that tone with a talk about money. It’ll be spiraling downhill in no time. Keep the talk “light”, try your absolute best to remain calm, and be transparent about everything.

Trust me, if your spouse isn’t fully onboard with the views you have about money, expect to see some fireworks going off. But if you really want this to work, you’ll have to be in control of your emotions.

Explain Why it is Important

The best time to know about your partner’s finances was when you met. The second best time is today.

Before you tie the knot, decide to start a family, or purchase a home together, it is important to know how your partner’s financial situation can have a significant impact on your own and vice versa.

Believe it or not, talking about each other’s finances can actually bring you both closer. It worked wonders for Mrs. Simple FI and our marriage is stronger because of it.

The intention of this meeting about your relationship and money should be that you both agree money is important and that you will work together to strengthen each other’s finances.

Having each other’s financial back will benefit both people. And if the ultimate goal is be together for a very long time, getting your financial house in order is a must.

Aim for Progress

Before you decide to have this meeting, check your emotions at the door. Seriously, the last thing you want is to bash your partner for past mistakes or their spending habits during a discussion about money.

Even if your meeting only lasts for ten minutes, it’s ok. That’s just how slow and steady works sometimes.

It’s better than prolonging the talk only for your partner to lose all interest on the topic. Just look at it as a marathon. It’ll take time for some people, so give it to them.

“Money doesn’t buy happiness, but talking about money with your partner can keep you happier”
– Mr Simple FI

The Big Talk

The day has finally come for you and your partner to lay it all on the table. But don’t fret, you’ve both prepared for this pivotal moment. To help in run smoother, here are a few items you both should have handy.

Your financial documents and their amounts
A list of your debts and their interest rates
Your monthly take-home income
Any short, mid, long-term financial goals

Probably the most important of these items are your goals. What life do you both see in 3 years? 5 years? 10 years? Does your current relationship with money align with those goals?

This way of thinking of your futures should guide this discussion. Next, you’ll want to look at your total income compared to your overall debts.

Is there enough income to cover these debts each month? Hopefully the answer is an assuring “yes” because you haven’t even touched upon your monthly spending.

Talking about your partner’s spending behavior may not go so well especially if they love to spend. Remember, this isn’t a common talk amongst couples. Instead, try to listen more than you speak. They may just admit the true cause of their spending behavior without them even knowing it. So listen closely.

If you feel your partner is acting a little “closed up”, share your experiences with money first. Explain your perspective and ask them for insight or feedback on you. This could open the door for them to speak more freely about themselves afterwards.

Open up about your upbringing or your beliefs with money. Talk about how your family taught you. Give examples of what you learned and how you apply them to your life. Share any desires you have with money.

Here are some great tips when talking to your partner about money.

Share Your Goals

You’d be surprised just how interested your partner is about your life.

Want to be debt-free? Tell them.

Plan on starting a side hustle? Explain your idea.

Working to a have billion dollar net-worth? Share it.

Now is the time to think BIG and OUTRAGEOUS! Don’t hold back on sharing your dreams and goals. Keeping them to yourselves will only weaken your partner’s trust. They want to be part of that outlandish goal.

The moment I shared by wildest dreams with my wife, I thought she was going to walk in the other room laughing hysterically. But she didn’t. To my surprise, she looked me deep into my eyes and said, “Let’s do it then! But let’s do it together!”

That was all I needed to get the wheels moving. Before I knew it, we were having healthy discussions about where our money was going and what the next plan was. It was like night and day.

What I thought would happen turned out to be way better in reality.

Create Plans Together

Another reason to share your goals with one another is the potential to create brand new goals together. Maybe it’ll spark an idea that he’ll want to dive deeper into. Perhaps it reminded her of something she wanted to pursue. Either way, now you both can begin developing the plans to get there.

Perhaps you need to dial back on the coffee trips or propose eating at home more often to apply more money to your money goals. Taking initiative shows your partner that you’re willing to sacrifice to reach your goals.

One of the easiest ways we found to cut back on spending was limiting the amount of times we ate out. We wouldn’t frequent any fancy restaurants but with a family of five, even the fast food joints would eat away at our funds.

So we decided it was best for us to spend a little more on groceries and prep more quick meals for our trips to the soccer or baseball fields for our boys. This was a game changer for us. It literally saved us over hundreds of dollars each month.

Talk Through Any Mistakes

This big meeting may not be the success you hoped for. If you feel the conversation going astray or one of you feel that you’re incapable of changing you ways, this is the best time to take about the reasons holding you back.

Seek to find the reasons behind those mistakes then come to a mutual solution. Looking to blame will only worsen the dynamic of the situation.

Remember, no one is perfect. We all make mistakes. But having someone close to you, backing you up 100% will get you through those tough times.

Keep a Questioning Mind

Sometimes we don’t think about the reasons behind why we do what we do. We just do it. In some ways, it’s done like second nature or without any thought.

Experiment using the “Seven Layers Method”. I heard about this from Dean Graziosi, a New York Times best selling author of “Millionaire Success Habits”, during a podcast interview.

Basically, you begin with asking the question “Why?”

Why do I pay for streaming services that I don’t use?

Why don’t I pay off my credit card in full each month?

Why haven’t I pursued that side hustle I speak so much about?

Why am I constantly adding more and more debt?

From that initial question, you continue to ask the “Why”, slowly building upon the previous answer until you’ve asked it seven times.

Yes, you read it correctly. SEVEN TIMES!

If you and your partner have given this exercise your full commitment, you will arrive at an answer so deep that it may scare you.

After performing this with myself on why I chose name brand clothing over generic, I realized that my reason was I never had name brand anything growing up but all my friends did.

After I figured this out, that was me trying to “keep up with the Joneses”. Once I admitted that, I quickly broke out of it because that was no longer part of my personal values anymore.

Without doing the “Seven Layers Method”, I’m not sure if I would have discovered that about me.

Talk in “We”

From here on out, your language will no longer be stated as “I” or “you”. This only displays a false sense of superiority or places guilt on each other.

Moving forward, you both will talk as “we” or “us”. Every goal, every plan, every success, and every setback is because of “us”. When you equally take blame for something bad happening, you will both find a way to solve it.

To truly make your partner feel they are part of the solution, the progress to achieving your financial goals, include them as if you both are one person. They’ll feel more compelled to follow through on their actions.

Focus on Other Areas, Not Just Spending

This meeting isn’t meant for just your spending behaviors. Look deeper into the other aspects of personal finance.

Factors like building an emergency fund, saving for long-term, investing for the future, retirement planning, and giving play a big role in your finances.

If your partner expresses their wish to retire early and you’re itching to start a side hustle, maybe you both can concentrate more energy towards getting that hustle up and running. That way it can provide and supplement his or her income so she can leave her 9-to-5 but the income still remains.

Knowing this and other financial desires about your partner can alter what you both do today with your money.

Heed the Warning Signs

If you’re one of the lucky ones who found a partner that sees eye to eye with you and money, congratulations! You can skip this topic and vision the both of you jumping into Scrooge McDuck’s money bin. The dough will be rolling in soon.

Tell me, does it hurt jumping into your pile of millions?

For the majority of us, we don’t have that same luxury. That doesn’t mean that we’re out of luck though. It just means we have to see the warning signs before they become a disaster.

Whether you’re a big-spender, a money hoarder, or you both disagree on something, there will be signs that say either this is going too far or something really bad is about to happen.

Listen to your gut and tell your partner how you feel about it in a cordial way of course. They might not even know that they’re doing it.

For example, if they love to spend but are trying to change that part about them. But you always find them viewing social media accounts advertising new product lines, that’s probably a warning that they need to remove these accounts. The less exposure they have means the less chance they have of spending.

Bottom Line on Talking to Your Partner About Money

Once you’ve built up the courage to speak to your better half about money, follow the tips above and you should be fine. But above all else, keep it cordial, be engaged, and communicate your thoughts clearly. There is no purpose in letting any old beliefs ruin your promising future. The fact that you’ve gotten this far is an accomplishment within itself.

The Post-Meeting

Both of you are very aware of your money goals and you’ve discussed the plans to achieve them. At this point, it would be naive to assume that nothing else needs to be done.

In fact, I consider this to be the most important phase and one that many won’t concentrate on. It is foolish to think that nothing is required to maintain any progress. It’s like everything will fall into place right?

That’s all wrong. I highly suggest you both set a few things up during the post-meeting phase.

Agree to Talk About It Regularly

Arrange for a money meeting to speak about any important issues that have come up since this plan was all put together. You may find a period where you or your partner fall off track slightly. All you need is to come together to discuss those hiccups. It isn’t the end of the road.

In the beginning, you might want to meet on a weekly basis to build up momentum but that isn’t required. What is required is that you both speak often which is why I suggest you aim for monthly meetings at the very least.

Follow Through With the Plan

Don’t forget your goals and the plan to get there. Say you want to make a big purchase but you know it doesn’t line up with your goal of retiring early. Look to, but don’t rely on, your partner to give that friendly nudge as a reminder to think twice about adding that large amount of debt.

Look at yourself to get back on track and think about what is most important for the big picture. By sticking to the plan, your future self will thank you. Don’t let your future happen by default, make it happen yourself.

This is Only the Beginning

And hopefully the start of something special. I can speak from experience when I say that when your partner and you are on the same page with your finances, some very magical things will happen.

We paid off an enormous amount of debt since we joined forces. None of it would have been possible without the consistent money discussions, all the goal planning, and just being honest with each other when it came to our finances.

You both have a long, joyful road ahead of you. It can be even more enjoyable as you both learn – and master – money together.

Conclusion

When you are planning to speak with your partner about money and are unsure what to do, use this post as your guide to help you prepare, get started and continue with money meetings. Remember, finances play a vital role in a relationship.

If you need more help with getting your money in order, come back to read more tips that will help you as it has helped me.

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